Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"You Have a Pretty Face"

These five words were first said to me in the 90s by Pauly G (name changed to protect the innocent).  Now, the best way to sum up the 90s version of myself is “crazy, sexy, cool”.  Minus the sexy and cool.  I vaguely remember one outfit from my sophomore year in high school which consisted of the following (brace yourself for a vision right off the runways of Paris):
  1. Super sexy, white tube socks (the athletic kind…Fluffy isn’t athletic now nor was she back then),
  2. A kick ass Mr. Potato Head t-shirt (classic)
  3. And for the grand finale, a jean skort.  In case you didn’t read that correctly, I just said I wore a JEAN SKORT…aka Jort Skort…IN PUBLIC.....where people could see me. 
Gosh, now that I think about it, I was LUCKY that someone thought I had a pretty ANYTHING.  I wasn’t the fashion icon that I am today.  (self-proclaimed)
Needless to say, my milkshake did NOT bring all the boys to the yard. In fact, the boys didn’t even start coming to the fence of said “yard” until my junior year in college.  I like to tell myself that this is only because they were all intimidated by my beauty.  Please let me be na├»ve.  It helps me sleep at night.  Anyways, I was madly in love with Pauly G. in high school so his words cut extra deep.  I should mention that I was “madly in love” with any fella that waved at me.  And to be honest, most times they weren’t even waving at me but actually at the skinny girl behind me.  Skytch (skinny bytch).  Put it in The Dic (please see first post for explanation of The Dic).   Link to The Dic is in the works (hold your breath)
Moving along, I want all the P.G.’s in the world to know that when you say “you have a pretty face”, we hear “daaaammmmmnnnn gurrrrl you are FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.  (yes…in a gangster voice.  Or would it be “gangsta”. Hmm..I think either one is sufficient)
Please share this next part with all the fellas in your life.  This is a list of acceptable things to say to all the ladies in their lives including moms, sisters, daughters, significant others and secret lovers.  (I like to make lists so get used to it).
1.     Gasp for air then say “wow, you just took my breath away”.
2.     Serenade us with “your body is a wonderland”….naked.  This one, of course, ONLY applies to the significant others and secret lovers in your life.  I’m guessing your mother wouldn’t appreciate it much.  (and if she does well that’s just CUH-REEPY)   
3.     “You’re waist is so small I can wrap my arms around you…twice.”
4.     “Have you lost weight?”
5.     “ Where do you even find clothes small enough to fit?”
6.     Gasp for air then say “wow, you just took my breath away”.   This one is so good that it deserves to make the list twice. I tried it out in the mirror this morning and it made Fluffy blush. 

That is all. 

Stay Awesome,
Fluffy in Frisco




Thursday, August 23, 2012

Bringin' Fluffy Back

5’6” , 135 pounds,  dirty blond hair with loose curls down to the middle of the back.  Mysterious gray eyes that get any man’s attention and legs that go on for days. 

But enough about how I WISH I looked…..

I’m Fluffy in Frisco and though I’m similar to the description above, it’s not fully accurate.  And by “similar”, I mean that I AM 5’6”, I do weigh AT LEAST 135 pounds. I have hair….and eyes…… and legs.  Every other aspect is WAAAY off.   I’ve struggled with my weight since about 10 minutes after I was conceived.    Yep, I remember back that long.  I’ve been ‘keepin it fluffy’ for over 32 years now.  Hair Flip.

I have been reading a blog by Mama Laughlin for several months now.  She is uh-mazing and I love her. (In a non ‘girl on girl’ type of way).  She is very real, very proud and very skinny.  She knows the struggles of life, liberty and the pursuit of small thighs and has inspired me to revive my blog and stop being a lazy azz quittin’ everything you start bytch! 

Below is a list of my short lived attempts in life:
  1.  My initial attempt at a blog from 2 years ago.  13 posts later, I shut ‘er down.  If you want to check out that hot mess....Healthy or Hungry.
  2. Weight watchers
  3. Advocare
  4. Weight watchers (not a typo)
  5. Bringin sexy back.  (epic fail)
  6. Writing my own Dictionary with a good friend.  (to be named The Dic. I know…dirrrrty.  And you like it.)
  7. Writing and starring in a reality show with a good friend.  It was to be named Keeping it Klassy with Charo and Cha Cha.  I think we have about 14 episodes in mind.  We just need to get to filmin’. 
  8. Being Jessica Simpson’s friend on Facebook.  After 5 months of her not accepting my friend request, I decided I was too good for her and it was her loss, not mine.  (but I’m still gonna buy her shoes. LOVE them)
  9. Weight watchers.
  10. Employee of the year.  I was an hour and a half late, took a 3 hour lunch…and left early on my first day back from maternity leave.  Whadaya gonna do. 
  11. Watching what I ate and working out while pregnant.  This lasted about 10 minutes.  I gained 60 pounds.  Wowza!  I thought for sure I’d give birth to a toddler.  Imagine my surprise when an 8.1 pound baby popped out and I was still 50+ pounds overweight.  Life can be a real kick in the balls sometimes. 

Well, you get the idea.  I like coming up with ideas…just not doing the work to keep them going.   Well, I WILL write a blog (with more than 13 posts…and more than just my family as followers) and I WILL wear a size 6 pants. (I feel the need to specify ‘pants’ because I currently wear a size 6 ring so it could be easily confused). 

That just gave me a little anxiety.   I need a xanax. 

Stay tuned,
Fluffy in Frisco