What Had Happened Was.....

The plan was that I would take the weekend off from working out and start 30 Day Shred again on Monday.  My knee was really bothering me after my big Turkey Trot success (hair flip) and I didn’t want to make it worse.  (I’m not 100% sure what “shins” are but I AM 46.89% sure that I had shin splints).  I didn’t overindulge on Thanksgiving (patting self on back) and planned to stay on track even though I wouldn’t be working out. 

Well, those dreams were crushed.  Saturday I started feeling weak and tingly (not in the good way) and laid on the couch all.day.long.  I finally went to bed at 6:30pm and left Mr. Fluff for some quality time with Fluffette.  I still felt bad on Sunday and apparently so did Fluffette.  As I was bringing her back to the living room after an hour of trying to put her down for the night with no luck, she projectile vomited all over me.  I am not exaggerating when I say that I was covered from neck to knee and stood in a puddle of nastiness.  I have truly never seen that much vomit in my life.  Here’s a reenactment of my face for the next four hours after that happened… (yes, i look like a bassett hound)

Monday morning came and working out was the furthest thing from my mind.  Not only had I not eaten more than a couple of bites of food in two days but now, Mr. Fluff was sick.  He NEVER gets sick and even called in to work.  I can’t even remember the last time he called in.  He does NOT miss work for any reason so I knew he felt awful.  I, on the other hand, would call in to work because my pinky hurt.  They give you sick days to USE.  Duh.  Those two days were pretty much a blur.  Mr. Fluff didn’t leave the bed and Fluffette and I spent a lot of time cuddled on the couch watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel.  (don’t judge)

I won’t bore you with all the explosive 'rhea and vomit details gory details of the last few days in my house but I will say that A. we have never been more happy to have two bathrooms and B. I had puh-lenty of time to catch up on my US Weekly’s stacked in the bathroom. 

I’m still not 100% so I’m keeping it short today (that’s what she said).  The good news is that since I haven’t eaten much in 5 days, I’ve lost almost 4 pounds and down to 182.  I am now 7 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight!!!!! 

HAPPY 6 MONTH BIRTHDAY, FLUFFETTE!!!!!

There is ALWAYS a silver lining,

Fluffy in Frisco

I Am Not A Runner

 First things first, I completed the Advocare 10 Day Cleanse on Wednesday and had great results!  The first time I did this cleanse was in September 2011 and I ended up pregnant.  Needless to say, the 6 pound weight loss lasted about 4 minutes.  I decided to try it again right before Thanksgiving in hopes it would get my mind right and keep me from rolling naked in mashed potatoes and gravy overindulging and setting back my progress thus far.  Last Monday, November 12^th, I weighed in at 192 pounds.  I weighed myself approximately 42 times per day for the next 10 days and the number was all over the place.  My final weigh in was yesterday and I weighed 185.4.  That’s a loss of 6.6 pounds in 10 days.  More importantly, I feel great!  If you are interested, here’s a link to the 10 Day Herbal Cleanse.  Enjoy!

Second things second, I attempted my very first 5k yesterday. 

I am not a runner.

I was so nervous yesterday morning you would have thought it was the first day of school and I was worried that I didn’t pick the right outfit to start out the year.  I really really really worked myself up over this run.  I have been telling myself all week that there’s absolutely no way that I would be able to run 3.106 miles.  The longest I’ve ever run was 1.5 miles.  And that was on Monday. 

I am not a runner.

Mr. Fluff and Fluffette came along to support me and I met up with a friend to run with.  On the way to the race I told Mr. Fluff that my friend, that hasn’t done any training AT ALL, would most likely leave me in the dust and finish the race before me.  He said, “who cares” and I said, “your face is stupid”. 

I am not a runner.

As we lined up with over 2000 other cattle being herded people on Thanksgiving morning, I took a deep breath.  I told my friend that she could leave me in the dust if she needed, I didn’t mind.  I honestly don’t remember if there was a gunshot bang, what's up with that thang.  I wanna know, how does it hang....   or if someone yelled “GO”, I just remember that I turned on my tunes and began to slowly jog.  It took about half a mile for my nerves to begin to settle down but I was really struggling.  I was ready to quit before I made it to the first mile marker.  WEAK.  By the time I saw the sign saying I reached mile 1, I thought for sure the race should almost be over.  Um….it had been like 12 minutes. 

I am not a runner

Early on in the race I thought about Mama Laughlin and how she has experienced moments that she wanted to quit and felt like she was “being lifted up” to help her finish her race.  Over and over again I said “lift me up”.  I didn’t know who, exactly, I wanted to lift me up….I just knew that I needed help.   

I am not a runner.

Thankfully, Whistle by FloRida streamed through my earphones and that gave me a little lift to keep going.  Once I completed the first mile, I knew I wanted to walk.  I started my mind effing game and told myself that I could walk once I made it to the end of this street, then to that cone, then to that water station and finally I said I would stop at mile 2.  My plan was to stop running at mile 2, walk about half a mile, then finish out the race with a bang.  At this point, my friend was ahead of me and for a moment I got mad.  She hasn’t been working at this for the past 7 weeks.  She doesn’t seem worked up about this race or nervous in the very least.  I finally snapped out of it and told myself that I’m not racing against HER.  For all I know, she was a cross country runner in high school.  I am racing against myself.  Nobody else on those streets should matter.  This is about Fluffy finishing something.      

I am not a runner. 

Surely somebody moved the damn “Mile 2” sign.  This is ridiculous and I’m pretty sure I am on mile 15.  Again, I thought about Mama Laughlin and her “angels” that lifted her up.  I wondered who her angels were and then began to think about mine.  I thought about Granny and Papa, two Grandpas and my two cousins, Candy and Luke.  They both died at a young age (19 and 23).  I asked again for them to lift me up and help me keep going.  Nothing.  What the hell does a girl have to do around here to get some help!!

I am not a runner.

In the distance I saw it, my stopping point.  A young man holding up the Mile 2 marker.  It was a big sigh of relief because I knew I could start walking soon.  As I approached the young man, I finally heard It:  My angel. 

Luke said, “I died for your freedom so, dammit Fluffy, YOU CAN FINISH THIS RACE”.  Rather aggressive for an angel but he was right.  He was killed in 2004 while fighting for our country so the least I could do was celebrate my freedom by running this race.  No, it’s not the same thing but helped me to JUST.KEEP.GOING.  The final 1.106 miles was the longest 1.106 miles in the history of time.  Time stood still as I watched the floods of spandex (Mr. Fluff said he’s never seen so much spandex in one place) pass by me.  There was no end in sight and I was tired.  My legs were tired.  My pride was tired.

I am not a runner.

I was running extremely slowly, but I was still running.  When I thought I just couldn’t go any longer, Chumbawumba streamed through my headphones, “I get knocked down but I get up again, you’re never gonna keep me down”.  I fully realize that this is one of the cheesiest songs in the history of music, but that’s how I roll.  I sang along and pushed my quiteverythingyoustart self to just keep running.  I was in the home stretch.

I am not a runner.

As I rounded the final corner and the Finish Line was in sight, my eyes filled with tears.  I don’t ever admit when I cry, but I will admit it today.  There was a shit ton of people surrounding the finish line waiting for their friends and family.  I didn’t want them to see me cry so I sucked it up. 

After 41 minutes and 11 seconds of running, not a single step of walking, I crossed the finish line.  I was finally able to start walking and my legs turned to jello.  I was a little dizzy and my eyes glazed over.  I pushed someone out of my way to get to the fella passing out bottles of water and chugged it like I was in a drinking contest. 

It felt good, like slapyourmomandpunchyourhusband good.  I never thought in a million years that I could do this.  I mean…7 weeks ago I could barely run for 90 seconds at a time without dry heaving.  

I finally finished something I started and it feels uh-mazing! 

As of November 22, 2012.... I am a runner.

Fluffy in Frisco

Suck It Up

This week I’m gonna talk about a few successes I’ve had.  After all, it’s the small things that count, right?

First up, toe touching.  Now, I know this seems like a dumb thing to celebrate but a couple of months ago when Jillian told me to touch my toes during a stretch, I laughed in her face. In case you didn’t get the memo, ejecting human life from your lady hole does a real number on your hips.  It honestly hurt like a mutha fugger just to sit down on the ground and now you want me to touch my toes.  KEEP DREAMING!  But alas, after a couple of months worth of dates with Jillian Michaels and my 3x a week runs, I introduced my fingers to my toes and it was a beautiful thing!  (yes, yes I did strategically place Fluffette in front of me to save you from a denim crotch shot.  You.are.welcome)

Next up, my wedding dress.  My wedding dress is a size 12 (which is really a 4 in wedding dress sizes, right?  No?  dammit!)  Anyways, this morning while cooking my ¼ cup of egg beaters with mushrooms and spinach for breakfast, I decided that I should attempt to put on my wedding dress for motivation.  And so, I left my breakfast on the stove top and went to the back closet where I keep all my “someday” clothes and gave it a try.  The fact that I was able to get my dress over my hips was a celebration in itself.  After A LOT of sucking in and taking breaks to breathe, I was finally able to get it zipped!!!  No, I didn’t take a single breath during the 3 minutes that I had it on and no, I hadn’t brushed my hair (or my teeth) yet but that doesn’t matter.  I haven’t fit in to this dress in over a year so breathing or not, this is a success.  Note: when you leave your breakfast on the stovetop, remove it from heat or you will return to a burnt mess that you will eat anyways because you are too lazy to start over. 

Mr. Fluff may not know this, but I will be wearing this dress to dinner for our anniversary next month.  I realize it may be a little dressy for Chili’s but I want the world to know that I can fit back in to my wedding dress!

And finally, my biggest success involves running.  Sunday afternoon I put on my favorite pair of spandex pants and a sweatshirt.  I got out my headphones and iphone armband and took to the streets.  I accidentally took a gander at what would be expected of me during my week 5 day 3 run and had a mild panic attack.  Um, you want me to run for 20 MINUTES STRAIGHT?  Are you kidding me? (Fluffette was appalled by this too)

 During the 5 minute warmup, I attempted to talk myself down from the ledge.  I have been working towards this and I know I can do it.  Or can I?  Yes, I can.   No, I can’t.  Yes, I can.  You get the picture. This was another battle with Skuffy (skinny fluffy).  As the little robot voice in headphones told me to “begin jogging”, I took a deep breath and ran like it was last call at the buffet an old man was following me with a walker.  That’s right, I started off slow.  I didn’t care how fast I was going, I just wanted to finish.  (that’s what she said).  For approximately the first 8 minutes of the run I tried not to think about the fact that I was running.  I chose to concentrate on the fact that I’d chosen to eat chili for lunch.  Wondering if this was my best food choice before a run and hoping I wouldn’t get a rumble-y in my tumble-y.  I do realize that this would be an UH-MAZING story if I told you that I left a brown trail through the streets of my neighborhood.  The story would end with me immediately putting a For Sale sign in my yard and relocating my family to the deep woods of Alaska where nobody knows me.  Thankfully, the Poo Gods were on my side and I never got that rumble!  Hair flip. (and if you are one of the people that wanted to hear that story…you are a sick, sick person!)

At about the 15 minute mark, I was tired.  REAL TIRED.  My legs felt like jello and I’d accumulated more than the allowed amount of sweat on my lower back.  I regretted the fact that I was only wearing a sports bra under my sweatshirt so I was stuck.  Stuck in a pool of my own filth.  Up until this point in my run, I was able to mind eff myself to keep going.  My trick?  I find an object, such as a mailbox or car and tell myself that I can start walking once I get to that object.  Then, once I get to that object, I find a new object to push myself to.  And so on and so on.  Well, that trick wasn’t working anymore and I wanted to give up.   I had yet another battle with Skuffy on all the reasons why I should start walking. 

But then the running playlist angel landed on my shoulder and the song “Feels So Close” by Calvin Harris came on and that was all the push I needed.  (if you are a runner, add this song to your playlist)  It reminded me of all the reasons I started this life change and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  I knew, at that point, that I just had to SUCK IT UP.  Before I knew it, the robot voice was in my headphones telling me that I could begin my countdown walk.  I did it!  This is where many people would say that they had an emotional moment and tears streamed down their face.  Not me, I am, apparently, dead inside.  I did not shed one tear.  I had a huge smile on my face and said out loud, “ I DID IT!”.  My neighbor outside working on his lawn thinks I’m a complete nutcase (and I am) but I was on cloud nine.  After it was all said and done, it was hard but it wasn’t NEARLY as hard as I’d worked it up to be. (yes, she said that too). 

Here I am right after my run and my off the shoulder (hair flip) sweatshirt says it all.  “SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP”.

The big lesson of today is this:

***I run my very first 5k in exactly 8 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suckin’ it up,

Fluffy in Frisco

The Results are in.......

There comes a time in every girl’s life that her balls must drop.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Now, before you get too excited, I will not be sharing pictures of myself in a sports bra.  I’m so sorry to disappoint you. 

I’ve recently thought a lot about writing Fluffette a letter.  There are so many things that I want her to know just in case I’m not here to teach her.  I know that sounds morbid but there’s just no guarantee for tomorrow for any of us.  It would be a fairly sappy letter so I will save that for a later post, maybe.  (I want to give you all time to stock up on tissues).  One of the main points in that letter that I want to share today is this:

“Don’t ever let your insecurities DEFINE  you.  Instead, let them DRIVE  you to accomplish your dreams.”

Well, I need to practice what I preach, so today I will not let my insecurities define me.  I will share with you my weight and measurements thus far.  (this is a huge step for me because I don’t want to share my weight with myself, much less my 3 readers!!)

***Note to Mr. Fluff:  Please don’t read any further.  As far as you’re concerned, I weigh 120 pounds and have a 19 inch waist.   Thank you.

Date:  May 29, 2012 (Fluffettes Birthday)

Weight:  236

Chest:  full of milk

Waist: error, number not found

Calf:  Can’t reach that far to measure

Ring Size: larger than a 6, can’t wear wedding ring

Date:  September 5, 2012

Weight: 208.2

Chest:  41 inches

Arms:  14

Waist:  39.25

Thigh:   28.5

Calf:  17.75

Ring Size: 6

Date:  October 3, 2012

Weight:  200.4

Chest: 39.5

Arms:  14.75

Waist:  38.75

Thigh:  28.75

Calf:  17

Date:  November 4, 2012

Weight: 190.2

Chest:  37.5

Arms:  14.5

Waist:  34.75

Calf:  17

Ring Size:  4.75

As you’ll remember, this is my goal outfit.  The shirt fits much better (though I still won’t be wearing this in public anytime soon).  I need to do A LOT of work on those bat wings arms.  The pants once barely went over my knees are now up to my Kim Kardashian arse!  I should point out that these are not my pre-pregnancy jeans.  I haven’t fit in to these jeans since 2008 but I feel that day coming again!!

Overall weightloss: 45.8 pounds  (18 pounds since 9/5)

Overall inches lost (since 9/5):  8.75 inches

As far as workin’ on my fitness, I am currently in the middle of week 5 of Couch to 5k in preparation for my first ever 5k on Thanksgiving Day.  (complete look of fear on my face). I’m also on week 2 of Jillian Michaels’ Ripped in 30.  If you haven’t invested in 30 Day Shred or Ripped in 30 yet, you should.  This shit is legit!  As you can see from the decrease in my ring size, Jillian literally worked me to my fingertips!  I’ve lost 18 pounds and 8.75 inches from it and we all know I didn’t try my hardest. 

So there you have it.  All my insecurities all up in your face.  I hope that sharing my weight and measurements (and giant arse picture) can inspire at least one person to make some shit happen!  Or at least provide you with a giggle or two. 

Workin it and ownin it,

Fluffy in Frisco