A few months ago, I wrote about my left ball dropping in The Results Are In. Well, today my other ball will drop. I’m officially a man….in a Fluffy sort of way.
Nobody Millions of people
asked me to post progress pictures in my sports bra and that day has finally
come. I’m not one to “get right to it”
so I’ll build your anticipation until you just can’t take it anymore by showing
other pictures first.
Up first, I bought a dress from H&M for an upcoming bachelorette party. The vision in my head of this outfit was MUCH cuter. I’ve always loved the lace dress with cowboy boots look so I decided to give it the ol’ college try.
I will say that I’m happy from the thigh up. This dress is a size 10!!! However, those legs….those poor poor sausage legs. They make me want to….well…..eat sausage. I’m on the fence about this dress but I have six weeks to learn to love my body before the par-tay.
Next up, the first picture was taken about 6 weeks post “pushin a human out of my lady hole”. Large Marge is the first thing that comes to mind. The second picture is from today. Fluffette appears to have put on a few L.B.’s but they look cute on her! Life isn’t fair. I tried to put her in the same outfit but then there was a noticeable pop and she started crying. She can be a real baby sometimes! (no…I didn’t really try to fit my 20 pound baby in a newborn outfit)
Now, it’s time for measurements and my goal outfit. (you can see all the measurements thus far HERE)
Date: September 5, 2012
Chest: 41 inches
Date: January 30, 2013
Date: February 27, 2013
Weight: 178.4. I forgot to weigh this morning so this is right after I worked out. My weight on Sunday was 174.6.
Calf: 16.5 (this is up from last month so this better be muscle dammit!!)
Pants are a size 8 and shirt is a medium.
Disregard my old lady hand, I wanted you to see that I could button them. Right above that button…shyt ain’t pretty ya’ll. To save you from the nastiness, it looks a lot like this…
This is prolly a good place to put my sports bra pics….but I’m not gonna. Instead, I’d like to wish Fluffette a Happy 9th Birthday for the millisecond between midnight on 2/28 and midnight:01 on 3/1. I’ll be starting a petition to add a 29th day to February in honor of Fluffettes birth date.
***selfless plug, that yellow number is a piece of furniture that I made over. I think it’s pretty damn cute and there’s a good chance it will remain in Fluffette’s room.
Ok, fine. I’ll show you THE pictures..
But first, I’d like to talk about my least favorite body part. My arms. (I effed up my computer and can't crop this picture so you're getting my dirty bathroom pic..you're welcome)
No matter how fat, fluffy or skinny I am, these mutha fuggas are big. There’s a good 2 inches of skin hanging from the bottom which makes it much harder for me to flex my muscles for random strangers on the street. They won’t be able to see the uber ripped (sarcasm font) tops of my arms because, on a windy day, they will get slapped in the face with my bat wings. These babies gotz tuh go. If you are a plastic surgeon and would like to remove this flailing arm skin…for free…please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Ok, I warned you so this is your last chance to leave this post and pretend like this never happened.
These first pictures are from December 2012…
And last night….
**takes deep breath**
Okay, there you have it. It’s not a huge change, but I’m getting there. I know my body isn’t perfect but,
is your face you judgy bytch it will get there…someday…maybe…hopefully….please
I feel like this post is one giant run-on sentence but mama needs a xanax after posting these pictures. If you leave me a hateful or negative comment, I will cut you. End.of.story.