Thursday, December 27, 2012

Fluffette's First Christmas....and other randomness

I'm gonna briefly talk about a couple of "high points" of the last few days then end with a nice little picture show of Fluffette's first Christmas.

Gone Shreddin:  Friday was the official first day of our Christmas break.  Well, I stay at home so I'm always on break but it was the first day of Mr. Fluff's break.  I managed to talk him in to doing the 30 Day Shred with me and even bought him his very own set of weights.  As I started the video he was flailing about with weights in hand and was ready to WORK.  As we did our first set of jumping jacks in the warm up, under his breath he said, "my balls are jiggling".  I.LOST.IT and struggled getting it back together.  As I was trying to do a walking pushup, I started laughing.  Then again while we did more jumping jacks.  Then again while we did a double jump rope.  Needless to say, it wasn't my best workout as I'm not mature enough to NOT giggle like a school girl when my husband talks about jiggly balls.  We haven't done the workout since. 

BoBo: On Saturday, we found out that my BFF, Hippy in Hutto, is expecting a leetle boy.  I won't tell you his name to protect the innocent but I will say that Mr. Fluff and I decided that his nickname needs to be BoBo.  Where did we come up with that?  Well, Mr. Fluff makes me watch Finding Bigfoot aka The Dumbest Show Ever.  One of the peeps on that show is extremely tall and always wears a trucker hat that says "Gone Squatchin' ".  His name is BoBo.  And a nickname is born... I'm soooo excited to meet BoBo and an arranged marriage between BoBo and Fluffette is already in the works. 

Sharp Objects:  On Tuesday, the Fluffs set out to go shopping.  We went to Academy and I purchased some fancy ear bud thingys that go around the ear.  I have funky shaped ears apparently and ear buds immediately fall out.  Anywho, in the car on the way to our next stop, Mr. Fluff thought I should open my new earphones and try them out.  The package was apparently superglued so Mr. Fluff suggested I get the pocket knife out of the console.  I think we all know how this ended.  I'm a tad on the clumsy side so using a knife in a moving vehicle wasn't really in my best interest.  As you already guessed, I cut off a chunk of my thumb.  As luck would have it, there wasn't one damn napkin or tissue in that vehicle so I used my grocery list to wrap around it......seems sanitary.  The good news is that I survived, the bad news is that it's super duper hard to scroll through Pinterest on my phone with a gimp thumb.  Deep sigh. 

Now, on to the good stuff...Fluffette's First Christmas.  You know how pretty much every Christmas movie on Lifetime, Hallmark and the 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family ends with a magical scene filled with Christmas music, laughter and happines?  Oh, you don't watch Christmas movies daily beginning the day after Thanksgiving?  Yeah, neither.  Well, if I DID watch all those movies including A Smoky Mountain Christmas with Dolly Parton, I would guess that's how they end.  And that's exactly how the last week has felt for me.....magical and Christmas movie worthy.

Rather than recap the last week with words, I decided to bore you with share some pictures of the most magical moments.  It was such an amazing Christmas and I am truly blessed. 

Opening her first gift.

Me teasing her with wrapping paper. (mother of the year)
Tired from all the gift opening and Dada stole her Pillow Pet.

"Step up off my Pillow Pet dernit"

Chillin in her new leather recliner....and rockin her fancy schmancy bib that Mia made for her. 

I have the cutest baby in the World.  Yes, she's cuter than your kid, I'm so sorry you had to find out like this. 

Never too young to start plankin'.  She has good form thanks to me.  Hair Flip.

"Are you gonna fix my headband or just take 50 pictures of the exact same damn pose?!?!?!?"

Christmas Eve in our footed jam jams. 

She was spitting up but I didn't want to miss these facial expressions. 

"Ima hit you with this later"

Concentrating on her new toys.
When Fluffette gets sleepy she likes to play with Dada's beard.  (heart melts)

Childcare at it's finest. 

Fluffette's new Pony.  (what do you mean she's spoiled??)

The Fluffs.  (in black and white to make us look like one of the families used in the picture frame when you buy it)

I live in the Dallas, TX area and we NEVER get snow.  My lady boner was in full effect that Fluffette's first Christmas was a white one!!!!!

Probably shouldn't put "lady boner" and "Christmas" in the same sentence but I'm super rebellious like that.

Stay Awesome,
Fluffy in Frisco

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Tis the season to get fat and be jolly

Christmas is upon us and is by far my favorite time of year.  This will be Fluffette’s first Christmas so I have very high expectations and hope to make it a memorable one for her even though she’s only 6 months old and won’t remember a damn thing.  I can’t wait to force her to be as psychotic about this time of year as I am.  I look forward to years and years worth of wonderful Holiday traditions such as Mother/Daughter /Mia (grandma) Christmas Baking.  We had our very first one a couple of weeks ago.  Fluffette wasn’t much help at all but I certainly enjoyed watching her in the jumper staring at our Christmas tree and beating the crap out of the poor red bird that never saw her coming!
We cooked for most of the day and made eight different treats.  The plan was to put the goodies in cute little bags and decorative boxes and hand them out to friends and family.  Well….the plan failed.  I did manage to give away a small portion of them but most of them ended up in my belly….and I don’t regret it for one second!  I’ve worked hard the last few months and if I want to eat my weight in cinnamon pretzels then, by golly, I will!
Today was round two of our mother/daughter/Mia cooking extravaganza.  To keep myself  from eating it all, we immediately packaged everything and put it under the tree so I could forget about it.  I only saved two small goodie bags for Mr. Fluff so I wouldn’t be tempted. 
I am too tired from all the cooking today to share all eight recipes so I will share my top three faves.  I urge you to try each and every one of these recipes so you can sabotage your weight loss efforts JUST LIKE ME!    To further evidence my inability to say no to fatness, I got eliminated from a contest Week 2.  (patting self on back).  All I had to do was lose weight or maintain my weight from last week.  I weighed SEVERAL different times to make sure I could send in the lowest weight and I still managed to gain .8 pounds.  I blame Christmas. (rolling eyes)
**Please note that all pictures used are from the websites that I obtained the recipes from.  These are not my pictures or recipes so please don’t sue me.  Thanks. 
1.        White Chocolate Cinnamon Pretzels.  These are my absolute favorite, fo sho.  These are delicious without the white chocolate but who the hell wants to save themselves the calories? 

2.        Christmas Crunch.  The first time we made this I couldn’t find the Vanilla Candy Melts so I used almond bark instead.  WAY.TOO.SWEET!  Today we used the candy melts and it was amazing. 

3.       Mini Muffin Cookies.  I really liked these because there are SO many varieties you can use.  I did peanut butter cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter cups and sugar cookies with Kisses.  This is also pretty much the easiest dessert a girl could ask for so even YOU won’t eff it up.  Nevermind, I take that back.  The first batch, I didn’t put enough cookie dough in the pan, then pushed the Reese’s down too far so when I picked up the cookie the Reese’s fell out the bottom.  Don’t worry, I still ate them.  Just be mindful of how hard you’re pushing (twss). 

To make myself feel like less of a fat azz, I will end this post on a healthy note. 
In true stalker fashion I not only went to Mama Laughlin’s hair hooker, bought Bic Bands because she said she liked them, started following her on Instagram, Facebook and her blog,  but I also made her recipe for Skinny Dorito Taco Bake.  It actually turned out pretty awesome and will go on the ol’ recipe rotation!  It's a "eat in one sitting" type of recipe because the chips get soggy the next day.  (i just scraped them off for lunch today because I have issues with wasting food)I’m not asking you to stalk her like I do (waiting for the restraining order), I’m just asking you to try this super easy and yummy recipe. 
Merry Christmas to all my three readers!!!
Fluffy in Frisco

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Denim Debate: Part Two

I know you could care less, but the long awaited Part Two of my Denim Debate is here!!  I'm just gonna get right to it (twss). 

1.  The Bad.  Kut from the Kloth: Farrah.  Yet again, the 12 doesn't fit over my thighs but the 14 is too big in the waist.  No need to worry because the 14's are way too tight on my legs.  It may be hard to see in this picture but I have several wrinkles below my buttocks and it looks like I have a horrific panty line.....where my panties don't even hit.  The saleswomen came in and asked how I was doing to which I replied, "i'm funky shaped and these are an awful fit".  She said "oh...." and simply walked away.  No, "have you tried these $700 pair of jeans that even fit fat asses like you?". Nope, nothing.  I'm assuming her picture is up in the executive offices at Nordstroms as one of the Top Salespeople Lady Persons. 

2.  The GoodSilver: Suki.  These jeans (also in the back of The Buckle) are by far my favorite.  They aren't as stretchy and comfy as Inc jeans but the fit is for the curvy girl and they have some awesome washes.  I don't know why my shirt is tucked in as I haven't tucked in my shirt since the 80s.  (shrugging shoulders).  I did SEVERAL denim dips to fit in to the equivalent of a size 12 in these.  They were a little tight in the waist but the salesman assured me that they stretch about 1/2 a size.  Unfortunately my sister, who I made take my pictures, was subjected to my bubbly arse bulging out the top of these jeans around my maternity thong during the denim dips.  Yes, they make maternity thongs and No, I shouldn't be wearing them.  They are way too big.  I walked out of the dressing room and asked two separate salespeople if they look too small and "if you passed me in the mall would you say 'what the hell is that girl wearing'"  They both laughed and then another customer began to tell us that she just saw someone wearing thigh boots and a short skirt and you couldn't tell if it was her thighs or her lady parts.  Um....

3.  I like to call this one...NAILED IT!  American Eagle: Original Boot.  First of all, here's my inspiration photo...

Source: Fashion Police

These are a size 14 and fit like a glove.....that you dried too long so it shrunk...alot.  I REFUSE to try on a size 16, especially when I fit all this awesomeness in a size 10 at Macy's. 

Which pair did I buy?  None, I'm not paying $80 for a pair of jeans that BETTER NOT fit me next month!  However, if I did have an extra $80 that would otherwise just be thrown in the trash, I would buy the Silvers.  I like the Inc jeans and they are stretchy and comfy but I feel like they are little on the 'mom jean' side (in the wash and style that I tried on).  I feel like the Silvers are much more trendy and when someone saw me leaving the mall with Fluffette they wouldn't expect me to get in to a minivan with a stick figure family on the back window (not that those aren't super duper cute...)

Upon completion of my research, I decided to do some Boudoir photos for Mr. Fluff.  I'm a little pastey and need a spray tan but look how tiny my waist is!  DAYUM!

Yes that really happened.  I understand if you don't wanna be my friend anymore.  (insert blushing smiley here)

After my Boidoir shoot, I promptly went to the food court and got some Sonic Cheesesticks.  Look, nobody was killed during my research, I didn't have a nervous breakdown and I didn't get escorted out of the mall after my photo shoot at Victoria's Secret so I'm pretty sure I earned those cheesesticks.  Pretty much the best thing I've put in my mouth in months!!!!! 

By raise of hands, how many of your minds just went to the gutter after that last comment?  (looking around) Everyone?

You should be ashamed of yourself,
Fluffy in Frisco

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Denim Debate: Part One

I realize I’m a little late on my post this week but don’t fret, Fluffy is here so you can get off my nutz, Hippy in Hutto!! Before I get in to the hours and hours of denim research I conducted this week, I would first like to share my Canvas Ordering Fail.  In case you weren’t aware, 16x20 is NOT just two 8x10s.  It’s actually this big….. (bigger than life size and fairly creepy but I’m still hanging that mug over my couch!)

Yes, I realize that’s pretty simple math but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.  The REALLY sad part is that I failed took Honors Math in High School!!! 
Moving on, jean shopping is definitely in my “top 5 things I hate” list.  That list also includes: pumping gas, going to the bathroom, swimsuit shopping and…being THIS awesome (HF).  Alas, since I feel much more comfortable with myself as well as my “trunk junk”, I decided I would go try on some jeans that people have highly recommended.  I’d like to think that I have an hour glass figure.  Why?  Well , because that’s THE BEST body shape to have in my opinion.  Curves in all the right places with a teeny waist….yes please!  The reality is this….I am actually pear shaped and have VERY thick legs and a larger than life arse.  Regardless of size, I’ve always had an issue finding jeans that fit.  They are either too big in the waist or too small in the legs.  Woe is me. 
First, go take a shot of patron because you’re about to see some pictures of my bootay and you may not be able to handle that sober.  Done?  Ok, now sit back, relax and enjoy what I like to call  “the good, the bad, and the Fugly”.
1.        The Bad.  Ann Taylor Loft: Curvy Boot.  The size 14 was too big in the waist, but the size 12 was holding on for dear life in the ladyhole region.  The wash did absolutely nothing for me and I did not feel attractive in them.  NEEEEXT!

2.        The Good.  Inc: Curvy Fit.  I don’t mean to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT!  First of all, size 10?  Hell to the yeah.  To be honest, I would probably buy these regardless of what they actually looked like and wear them inside out so that the world could see I fit all this (gyrating hips and pointing at self up and down) in a size 10.  I’m not a huge fan of this wash but I feel like they support my poop chute in an agreeable manner. 

3.        F.U.G.L.Y.  You ain’t got no alibi….  Big Star: Maddie Boot.   These came with one of  the highest recommendations of all and can be found in the back of the store at The Buckle.  Yes,  they got all “ah ha, hush that fuss. Everybody move to the back of the bus” on us Fluffy girls.  (oh, you don't listen to OutKast so you have no clue what that means? Too bad.)
       The Buckle puts all the “skinny” jeans in the front and all the “big booty ho” jeans in the back.  I asked the salesman if they were ashamed of the fat girls and just hide them so nobody can see them.  He was noticeably uncomfortable.  Fluffy 1, Salesman 0.  These jeans really need no introduction and I still laugh from looking at these pictures.  I like to call these The “ I just ate a shyt ton of powdered donuts then wiped my hands on my legs and azz” jeans.  Pretty much the worse wash in America and how effing huge does it make my butt look?!?!?!?!?!?!?  Do NOT add to cart.  (even my attempt at being super cool and putting my thumb in my pocket couldn't help the awfulness of these jeans)

The average price for all these jeans is about $70, which isn't completely awful if the fit is just right.  The wash, style and fit are so different and so so important to help us be confident. 
Which jeans will Fluffy buy?  Did Fluffy kill any salespeople?  Was the bambalance called to come assist Fluffy when she has a mental breakdown in the dressing room???? 
I decided to break this in to two separate parts to keep you coming back for more (insert evil laugh here).  I have three more to share with you next week so you’ll have to tune in! 
Fluffy in Frisco