Tuesday, August 28, 2012

"You Have a Pretty Face"

These five words were first said to me in the 90s by Pauly G (name changed to protect the innocent).  Now, the best way to sum up the 90s version of myself is “crazy, sexy, cool”.  Minus the sexy and cool.  I vaguely remember one outfit from my sophomore year in high school which consisted of the following (brace yourself for a vision right off the runways of Paris):
  1. Super sexy, white tube socks (the athletic kind…Fluffy isn’t athletic now nor was she back then),
  2. A kick ass Mr. Potato Head t-shirt (classic)
  3. And for the grand finale, a jean skort.  In case you didn’t read that correctly, I just said I wore a JEAN SKORT…aka Jort Skort…IN PUBLIC.....where people could see me. 
Gosh, now that I think about it, I was LUCKY that someone thought I had a pretty ANYTHING.  I wasn’t the fashion icon that I am today.  (self-proclaimed)
Needless to say, my milkshake did NOT bring all the boys to the yard. In fact, the boys didn’t even start coming to the fence of said “yard” until my junior year in college.  I like to tell myself that this is only because they were all intimidated by my beauty.  Please let me be naïve.  It helps me sleep at night.  Anyways, I was madly in love with Pauly G. in high school so his words cut extra deep.  I should mention that I was “madly in love” with any fella that waved at me.  And to be honest, most times they weren’t even waving at me but actually at the skinny girl behind me.  Skytch (skinny bytch).  Put it in The Dic (please see first post for explanation of The Dic).   Link to The Dic is in the works (hold your breath)
Moving along, I want all the P.G.’s in the world to know that when you say “you have a pretty face”, we hear “daaaammmmmnnnn gurrrrl you are FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.  (yes…in a gangster voice.  Or would it be “gangsta”. Hmm..I think either one is sufficient)
Please share this next part with all the fellas in your life.  This is a list of acceptable things to say to all the ladies in their lives including moms, sisters, daughters, significant others and secret lovers.  (I like to make lists so get used to it).
1.     Gasp for air then say “wow, you just took my breath away”.
2.     Serenade us with “your body is a wonderland”….naked.  This one, of course, ONLY applies to the significant others and secret lovers in your life.  I’m guessing your mother wouldn’t appreciate it much.  (and if she does well that’s just CUH-REEPY)   
3.     “You’re waist is so small I can wrap my arms around you…twice.”
4.     “Have you lost weight?”
5.     “ Where do you even find clothes small enough to fit?”
6.     Gasp for air then say “wow, you just took my breath away”.   This one is so good that it deserves to make the list twice. I tried it out in the mirror this morning and it made Fluffy blush. 

That is all. 

Stay Awesome,
Fluffy in Frisco

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