This week I’m gonna talk about a few successes I’ve had. After all, it’s the small things that count, right?
First up, toe touching. Now, I know this seems like a dumb thing to celebrate but a couple of months ago when Jillian told me to touch my toes during a stretch, I laughed in her face. In case you didn’t get the memo, ejecting human life from your lady hole does a real number on your hips. It honestly hurt like a mutha fugger just to sit down on the ground and now you want me to touch my toes. KEEP DREAMING! But alas, after a couple of months worth of dates with Jillian Michaels and my 3x a week runs, I introduced my fingers to my toes and it was a beautiful thing! (yes, yes I did strategically place Fluffette in front of me to save you from a denim crotch shot. You.are.welcome)
Next up, my wedding dress. My wedding dress is a size 12 (which is really a 4 in wedding dress sizes, right? No? dammit!) Anyways, this morning while cooking my ¼ cup of egg beaters with mushrooms and spinach for breakfast, I decided that I should attempt to put on my wedding dress for motivation. And so, I left my breakfast on the stove top and went to the back closet where I keep all my “someday” clothes and gave it a try. The fact that I was able to get my dress over my hips was a celebration in itself. After A LOT of sucking in and taking breaks to breathe, I was finally able to get it zipped!!! No, I didn’t take a single breath during the 3 minutes that I had it on and no, I hadn’t brushed my hair (or my teeth) yet but that doesn’t matter. I haven’t fit in to this dress in over a year so breathing or not, this is a success. Note: when you leave your breakfast on the stovetop, remove it from heat or you will return to a burnt mess that you will eat anyways because you are too lazy to start over.
Mr. Fluff may not know this, but I will be wearing this dress to dinner for our anniversary next month. I realize it may be a little dressy for Chili’s but I want the world to know that I can fit back in to my wedding dress!
And finally, my biggest success involves running. Sunday afternoon I put on my favorite pair of spandex pants and a sweatshirt. I got out my headphones and iphone armband and took to the streets. I accidentally took a gander at what would be expected of me during my week 5 day 3 run and had a mild panic attack. Um, you want me to run for 20 MINUTES STRAIGHT? Are you kidding me? (Fluffette was appalled by this too)
During the 5 minute warmup, I attempted to talk myself down from the ledge. I have been working towards this and I know I can do it. Or can I? Yes, I can. No, I can’t. Yes, I can. You get the picture. This was another battle with Skuffy (skinny fluffy). As the little robot voice in headphones told me to “begin jogging”, I took a deep breath and ran like
it was last call at the buffet an old man was following me with a walker. That’s right, I started off slow. I didn’t care how fast I was going, I just wanted to finish. (that’s what she said). For approximately the first 8 minutes of the run I tried not to think about the fact that I was running. I chose to concentrate on the fact that I’d chosen to eat chili for lunch. Wondering if this was my best food choice before a run and hoping I wouldn’t get a rumble-y in my tumble-y. I do realize that this would be an UH-MAZING story if I told you that I left a brown trail through the streets of my neighborhood. The story would end with me immediately putting a For Sale sign in my yard and relocating my family to the deep woods of Alaska where nobody knows me. Thankfully, the Poo Gods were on my side and I never got that rumble! Hair flip. (and if you are one of the people that wanted to hear that story…you are a sick, sick person!)
At about the 15 minute mark, I was tired. REAL TIRED. My legs felt like jello and I’d accumulated more than the allowed amount of sweat on my lower back. I regretted the fact that I was only wearing a sports bra under my sweatshirt so I was stuck. Stuck in a pool of my own filth. Up until this point in my run, I was able to mind eff myself to keep going. My trick? I find an object, such as a mailbox or car and tell myself that I can start walking once I get to that object. Then, once I get to that object, I find a new object to push myself to. And so on and so on. Well, that trick wasn’t working anymore and I wanted to give up. I had yet another battle with Skuffy on all the reasons why I should start walking.
But then the running playlist angel landed on my shoulder and the song “Feels So Close” by Calvin Harris came on and that was all the push I needed. (if you are a runner, add this song to your playlist) It reminded me of all the reasons I started this life change and I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I knew, at that point, that I just had to SUCK IT UP. Before I knew it, the robot voice was in my headphones telling me that I could begin my countdown walk. I did it! This is where many people would say that they had an emotional moment and tears streamed down their face. Not me, I am, apparently, dead inside. I did not shed one tear. I had a huge smile on my face and said out loud, “ I DID IT!”. My neighbor outside working on his lawn thinks I’m a complete nutcase (and I am) but I was on cloud nine. After it was all said and done, it was hard but it wasn’t NEARLY as hard as I’d worked it up to be. (yes, she said that too).
Here I am right after my run and my off the shoulder (hair flip) sweatshirt says it all. “SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP”.
The big lesson of today is this:
***I run my very first 5k in exactly 8 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suckin’ it up,
Fluffy in Frisco