Spandex

Ah yes, Spandex…….(looking in the distance as if deep in thought).  The official meaning of Spandex is “something that should not be worn by fat people or those who hate getting wedgies”.  Ok so this is the official definition in the Urban Dictionary and not your everyday run of the mill dictionary.   But who the hell wants the “real” definition??  Anyways, I definitely agree that spandex doesn’t look good on all people but I’m here to say that I don’t wear it to look good.  I do it as a safety precaution for my fellow gym goers.  Would you rather judge me because you can see every dimple, wrinkle and roll or would you rather get slapped in the face by one of my wobbly bits flailing about?  The choice is yours. 

As a Fluffy girl, I just can’t wear workout shorts or even loose fitting sweats when I workout.  Workout shorts end with my thighs punching each other as they fight over which one gets to develop more red bumps than the other.  And loose fitting sweats consist of my ass cheeks slapping the fat roll just beneath them as in “high five, good to see you again”.   Either way, the slapping and punching makes a noticeable noise that can’t be missed even with the loud “today’s top 40” playing in the background.  So to all the Fluffy girls I say “you wear the shit outta that spandex gurrrrl”. 

In random news, I decided to look up the definition of Fluffy in the Urban Dictionary and this is what it says:

An awesome type of person. Can often mean adorable, fun loving, and cuddly. Fluffy can be referred to as a person who is extremely attractive on occasion. Um…HAIR FLIP.  “extremely attractive on occasion”  This part made me laugh so hard I tinkled a little.  Now, to be honest, I’ve lost a bit of my bladder control since having Fluffette so I have been known to sneeze and a little pee comes out.  Oh, the joys of motherhood.   Back to reality….. I started 30 Day Shred last Monday so I’m currently on day 9.  It should be day 10 but I just couldn’t get my shit together on Friday to git er done so I’ll add a day to still get the full 30 days.  This workout is simple.  Not easy but all the exercises are simple in that you don’t have to learn how to do a triple toe loop or an 8 count dance move.  Even so, I sweated my face off and still can’t make it through the whole thing without marching it out here and there.  Nothing is more motivating than watching Jillian Michaels and her two sluts assistants in their spandex, sports bras, workout shorts and sweats.  All things NOT Fluffy.  I definitely called them “effing bees” and “hoodrats” throughout the workouts.  It kept me going.  These skytches (skinny bytches) aren’t this way because they ate hot corn dip, rice krispy treats dipped in chocolate or drank their weight in Michelob Ultra this weekend.  Nope, these skytches are this way because they worked at it (or are all secretly addicted to cocaine).  Bottom line, Fluffy has a long way to go but she WILL get there.  I too will someday wear my cute little capri sweats rolled over at the top and be able to do a whole workout without those sweats rolling down over my FUPA.  (if you don’t know what FUPA is you can check out the Urban Dictionary for further clarification).   Here’s a group picture from the workout this morning…… As of my weigh in this morning, I am up 3.2 pounds which is an overall loss of 1.6 pounds. Positives: 1. Still an overall loss.  2. I made a lot of great choices this week including taking my own turkey burger to a cookout 3. Started working out 4. Most importantly…I’M NOT QUITTING. Goals: 1. Drink more water.  2. Write down what I put in my mouth. 3. Allow myself a cheat meal….not a “cheat all weekend”.  I leave you today with my added verse to my rap song to be named "Fluffy's Anthem” ***note: this is best read while shrugging your shoulders and bobbing your head to get you all rap-y.  My hips, my thighs My scale’s been tellin’ me lies Dip front, then back and side to side, Don’t stress out, take it all in stride. 16 measure musical break followed by 8 measures of beat box. I own the day and I own the night Gonna workout till this shit’s tight One of these dayz I’ll be outta sight Cuz, it’s all about me and I’m worth the fight.  The Original Gangster, Da Fluff