My Cheatin’ Heart

Over the last several weeks, I’ve cheated more than Tiger Woods.  The only difference is that I cheated with bad food choices and he cheated with bad hoodrats.  After a long talk with myself, I decided it was time for me to attempt the Advocare 24 Day Challenge.  I’ve done the 10 Day Cleanse twice in the past and absolutely loved it.  This time, I’m taking it a step further and adding in an attempt to eat clean.

I did a few things to prepare for this cleanse….

I just look angry trying to shove that camo cupcake in my mouth!  You can find the instructions for making camo cupcakes ***HERE. 

I then made a SUGARFREE cake and it was UH-MAZING!!! Mr. Fluff HATES chocolate. So.....I made a chocolate cake.  Coincidence?  I think not.  I actually made this as a test for Fluffette’s first birthday cake.  I wanted to see if I could be lazy and make the cake in a springform pan rather than using two separate circle cake pans.  SUCCESS!  For the record, I ate half the cake….myself….in one day. 

As my last meal, I got two bean and cheese burritos and chips and queso from Taco Cabana.  I ate every.last.bite.  And paid for it an hour later.

 

Last night began my preparation.  I cut up veggies, mixed greek yogurt with cinnamon and measured out my meat.  TWSS.  I then prepared Mr. Fluff and advised him that we’d be eating Chicken Ceasar Kale Salad for dinner tonight.  He said “what the hell is Kale”.  To which I responded, “its….um….healthy lettuce”.  The truth is I have zero clue what it is but I’ve seen the word all over the world wide web in reference to "healthy-ness" so it MUST be super good for you.

I even put on the ol spandex that I abandoned a few weeks ago and took some before pics.  (I know you are all still scarred from my sports bra pics so I decided to just wear an uber tight shirt this time.  You.are.welcome. )  I also briefly considered cleaning up Fluffette's toys but decided to keep it real.  

“Wideload, you’re so hard on yourself”

Look, if you can write ‘WIDELOAD’ in Helvetica Bold 16 font on your backside…..you have a big azz.  I’m just sayin’. 

Then I took my measurements.  I am happy to report that I’m down over 6 pounds this month but unfortunately some of that is muscle.  Deep Sigh.

Date: March 26, 1013

Weight:  172.2

Chest:  38

Arms:  12.25

Waist:  32

Hips:  41

Thigh:  25.5

Calf:  16

Then I joined the local gym.  I’ve been sweatin my face off with Jillian Michaels for the past several months and decided it was time for us to part ways…for a little while at least.  I figured it would be a good time for Fluffette to play with other kids…while I sweat with other women.  I actually teared up a little when I dropped her off at the Kid Zone because I’m a sissy.   But mama needs some ‘mama time’.  

I decided that I should take the Hip Hop Hustle class because…you know….I’m super gangster.  I’m not gonna lie, I rocked that shyt.  I was getting all the moves and shakin dat azz like some fool was gunna make it rain with dolla dolla bills, ya’ll.  I felt SO GOOD, in fact, that I went up to the teacher after class and asked her to tell me more about getting certified in hip hop dance instruction.  True Story. 

This is what I looked like in my head….

This is what I actually looked like….

I can keep a rhythm but I have no business shaking my azz that hard.  But you know what…sometimes you have to break down those walls you’ve built. 

Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone.

Sometimes you have to make a complete azz of yourself.

And you know what, sometimes you will see your hard work pay off. 

You will gain confidence.  You will start to realize that YOU CAN DO IT.  You will be one day closer to being Fifty Shades of Awesome. 

I’m currently only about 25 Shades of Awesome, but I know, deep down, that I’m worth it.  I know that when I’m eating green bell peppers (booty) dipped in greek yogurt with cinnamon (even more booty) while dreaming of Sonic Cheesesticks that I’m in charge of my own future.  I’m doing this to be a better wife.  I’m doing this to be a better mother. 

I’m doing this to be a better ME.