Is that a baby in your belly....or are you just happy to see me?

Last Monday started like every other Monday.  I woke up being awesome and continued the trend for most of the day.  Then, while cooking dinner, I started feeling weak.  I was extremely tired all of a sudden and ached all over.  I ended up going to bed at like 7:30.  When Mr. Fluff came to bed he decided to take my temperature rectally.  It read 101.5.  He went in to flip out mode and said that if it went even the slightest bit higher he was taking me to the ER.  Then he promptly got on Google to put in my symptoms.

 

“Do you have any bug bites?”

“Is your stomach upset?”

“No, I’m fine. “

He then jokingly said, “What if you’re pregnant”.

I couldn’t believe he would say something so mean to me!  The truth is that I thought the exact same thing and it freaked me the eff out. 

After a little more research, it was determined that I did NOT have West Nile Virus so he was able to roll over and go to sleep.  Phew!  Glad HE felt better. 

Wednesday, I still felt out of whack but decided to take one for the team and go to a Widespread Panic concert.  I’m assuming if you’ve never heard of this band, then you also prolly don’t own a hacky sack?  Weird.  I’d never heard of them before meeting Mr. Fluff but they are one of his all time favorite bands.  He used to follow them around and camp out to watch concerts.  It’s a whole different vibe now.  All the fans that used to show up on their bikes or in a Volkswagen Bus are now arriving in their Range Rovers and Audi’s.  Times have changed.  (I tried really hard to get a picture of Mr. Fluff dancing aka chicken wings.)

The rest of my week was fairly uneventful.  Swim classes for V, painting furniture for my new biz-nass and schoolin some bytches in Hip Hop Hustle class.  And by “schoolin some bytches” I mean “sloppin sweat all over them while tryin to do the  ‘showgirl…then down low’.   I know I shouldn’t make fun of anyone in the class but I WILL say that I, apparently, did NOT get the memo that the class on Friday was actually tryouts for backup dancers for The Pussycat Dolls.  So to you, Mrs. Big Loopy Curled Hair and Perfect Make-up and Not an Ounce of Sweat Girl……I HOPE YOU GOT THE GIG!!! 

End Rant.  I’m just jealous I don’t look that cute on any given day, much less when I’m working out. 

Friday night came and I decided I needed to put on my big girl panties for a local meet up.  Holly from Where We Can Live Like Jack and Sally, Skinny Meg, Mama Laughlin and Becka from KikiLaRue would all be there.  I called Mr. Fluff at 4:30pm and told him I’d be attending a Mama Laughlin event that evening to allow him some father/daughter bonding time.  I pretty much heard him roll his eyes over the phone.  He thinks I’m full on crazy.  He apparently didn’t read my post about meeting ML and us becoming immediate friends.  Hair Flip.   ‘Holla at me Holly’ was coming to Dallas all the way from St. Louis and George Dammit,  I wanted to meet her! 

I swear it was like getting ready for a date.  I had ZERO clue what the hell I should wear to something like this.  I mean…what, exactly, does one wear to an event that she will meet a couple of her blog crushes?  My wedding dress?  A cocktail dress?  Yoga pants and a sports bra?  So I went with something that will never go out of style….

I kid, I kid.  Once I looked in the mirror and felt that I looked “cute..but not so cute that you look like you’re trying too hard”, I popped a Xanax and headed to Bowl 300 in Addison.  I sat in my car for a few minutes and reminded myself that I am a complete and utter nutbag for going but the restraining order against me would most likely clear in the next few days so this may be my last chance to meet Holly and SkinnyMeg so I may as well take it!  (restraining orders are nothing to joke about so …you know…don’t stalk people for real)

I walked in and spotted Holly in her Neon pink shirt so I headed over chanting “HEY…I’M A CRAZY BYTCH BUT I BLOG SO MEDIOCRE  I’M ALL OVER THIS” in my head.   Yes, I changed up the words.   I’m super creative like that. 

Holly turned around and said, “FLUFFY!!!  I have to take a picture with you, my husband thinks you’re sooo funny and skinny”.

Um…I’m sorry…what?!?!!?!  I was here to meet HER yet she was so excited to meet ME. 

 

That was prolly one of the best moments of my adult life but I drink a lot so I have very few memories of my adult life.  That really set the tone for the rest of the night.  It was truly soooo much fun!  These girls, bloggers and other blogworld fans, are so normal!  They are so down to earth and effing hilarious.  I’ve never met most of these people before yet everyone was so nice and it felt like we’d all hung out before.  HUGE sigh of relief.

 

The people that know me in real life will not be surprised to know that I did a high kick after each strike or spare that I got, which lead to a High Kick contest in the middle of the bowling alley.  Double Hair Flip. It’s just not a fun night until you get complete strangers to do high kicks….I’m just sayin’.  They don’t even know how close I was to gettin’ them all to play Charades. 

As we all left, I stayed and talked to Brandi (Mama L) for a while.  I started to feel a little light headed so I played it as cool as I could and finally abruptly said “It’s past my bedtime, goodnight”.    I’m hoping she was buzzed and didn’t notice but I felt like I could pass out at any moment. 

Pretty much ever since then, I’ve had it in the back of my mind that I may be prego.  I had that same lightheaded feeling right before I found out I was knocked up with Fluffette.  Babies are awesome….and I think YOU should keep having them but I’m just not there yet.  I mean….Fluffette is way too cute.   How could I ever top this?????

Well, today, I decided to go buy a damn test and get it out of my head.  Those two minutes are the longest two minutes of anyone’s life.  Regardless of the outcome you’re hoping for, it seems like YEARS before you know the results. 

I am very proud to report that there will not be another Fluff Family baby any time soon.  Thank you sweet baby Jesus.

Super Sperm: 0   IUD: 1