Sunday, December 9, 2012

Denim Debate: Part One

I realize I’m a little late on my post this week but don’t fret, Fluffy is here so you can get off my nutz, Hippy in Hutto!! Before I get in to the hours and hours of denim research I conducted this week, I would first like to share my Canvas Ordering Fail.  In case you weren’t aware, 16x20 is NOT just two 8x10s.  It’s actually this big….. (bigger than life size and fairly creepy but I’m still hanging that mug over my couch!)

Yes, I realize that’s pretty simple math but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.  The REALLY sad part is that I failed took Honors Math in High School!!! 
Moving on, jean shopping is definitely in my “top 5 things I hate” list.  That list also includes: pumping gas, going to the bathroom, swimsuit shopping and…being THIS awesome (HF).  Alas, since I feel much more comfortable with myself as well as my “trunk junk”, I decided I would go try on some jeans that people have highly recommended.  I’d like to think that I have an hour glass figure.  Why?  Well , because that’s THE BEST body shape to have in my opinion.  Curves in all the right places with a teeny waist….yes please!  The reality is this….I am actually pear shaped and have VERY thick legs and a larger than life arse.  Regardless of size, I’ve always had an issue finding jeans that fit.  They are either too big in the waist or too small in the legs.  Woe is me. 
First, go take a shot of patron because you’re about to see some pictures of my bootay and you may not be able to handle that sober.  Done?  Ok, now sit back, relax and enjoy what I like to call  “the good, the bad, and the Fugly”.
1.        The Bad.  Ann Taylor Loft: Curvy Boot.  The size 14 was too big in the waist, but the size 12 was holding on for dear life in the ladyhole region.  The wash did absolutely nothing for me and I did not feel attractive in them.  NEEEEXT!

2.        The Good.  Inc: Curvy Fit.  I don’t mean to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT!  First of all, size 10?  Hell to the yeah.  To be honest, I would probably buy these regardless of what they actually looked like and wear them inside out so that the world could see I fit all this (gyrating hips and pointing at self up and down) in a size 10.  I’m not a huge fan of this wash but I feel like they support my poop chute in an agreeable manner. 

3.        F.U.G.L.Y.  You ain’t got no alibi….  Big Star: Maddie Boot.   These came with one of  the highest recommendations of all and can be found in the back of the store at The Buckle.  Yes,  they got all “ah ha, hush that fuss. Everybody move to the back of the bus” on us Fluffy girls.  (oh, you don't listen to OutKast so you have no clue what that means? Too bad.)
       The Buckle puts all the “skinny” jeans in the front and all the “big booty ho” jeans in the back.  I asked the salesman if they were ashamed of the fat girls and just hide them so nobody can see them.  He was noticeably uncomfortable.  Fluffy 1, Salesman 0.  These jeans really need no introduction and I still laugh from looking at these pictures.  I like to call these The “ I just ate a shyt ton of powdered donuts then wiped my hands on my legs and azz” jeans.  Pretty much the worse wash in America and how effing huge does it make my butt look?!?!?!?!?!?!?  Do NOT add to cart.  (even my attempt at being super cool and putting my thumb in my pocket couldn't help the awfulness of these jeans)

The average price for all these jeans is about $70, which isn't completely awful if the fit is just right.  The wash, style and fit are so different and so so important to help us be confident. 
Which jeans will Fluffy buy?  Did Fluffy kill any salespeople?  Was the bambalance called to come assist Fluffy when she has a mental breakdown in the dressing room???? 
I decided to break this in to two separate parts to keep you coming back for more (insert evil laugh here).  I have three more to share with you next week so you’ll have to tune in! 
Fluffy in Frisco


  1. This is awesome.... totally cracking up about the powered donut description! Looking forward to reading part 2!

  2. This is awesome.... totally cracking up about the powered donut description! Looking forward to reading part 2!