Monday, January 14, 2013

Three Sides to Every Story

This weekend, I hosted a much needed Moms Night In.  NO KIDS!!!!!  Yes, we all love our children but sometimes mama needs a night away.  As we all know, stories are catered towards your audience so I want to make sure I tell this story in a way that will appease each group.
For my male readers:
The invitation was for a sexy mom’s night in.  Everyone was asked to dress in their favorite lingerie and the party was BYOBO (bring your own baby oil).  Each girl arrived dressed to the nines……full makeup, hair in long loose curls, stiletto heels and lots of lace.  Here’s our group picture: (I have super hot friends)

Once everyone arrived, we lathered each other up in plenty of baby oil because no girls’ night is complete without shiny, slippery skin.  We each walked the makeshift runway to show off our looks then snacked on celery sticks and lettuce and took body shots off each other.  Next up, we changed in to our string bikinis and headed outside for our turn in the jello pit.  Two girls at a time climbed in and fought in a tub of red jello then licked it off each other’s skin.  Since we got our suits all dirty, we came inside and took them off.  The night was finished off with a game of naked twister then a big pillow fight while we argued over which one of our husbands/boyfriends had the largest junk.  (you, of course, won Mr. Fluff. Wink wink.)

For my moms:
Everyone brought over their cupcake tin and favorite recipe and we spent hours baking cupcakes for our wonderful husbands.  We didn’t eat any of the cupcakes because we wanted to make sure our husbands had plenty to satisfy their sweet tooth and wanted to watch our waistlines.   Here’s our group picture:

We then changed in to our workout clothes and completed a rigorous 2 hour workout to make sure our bodies were firm for our wonderful husbands/boyfriends.  As the evening ended, we sat around with sparkling water, snacking on tea sandwiches and gourmet soups and talked about how amazing our significant others are and how truly blessed we are to have them. 

The Truth:
Here’s what REALLY happened…..
Everyone was instructed to wear pajamas and bring an appetizer and their drink of choice.  We sat around with our hair in pony tails and ate queso, apple pies, chips, teeny weenies, assorted dips and rotel cups.  Trust me…you don’t want a group picture. 

We laughed A LOT…mostly at each other.  We talked about all things inappropriate, cussed like sailors and used the word “muff” more times than any lady should.  We talked about how/why our husbands annoy us.  We discussed past sexual experiences that left us all peeing a little from laughing so hard (please remember that most of us are moms so we can’t hold our pee in these days).  We laughed for a very long time about our lesbian friend walking in on her wife looking at BJ’s on youtube and how she tried to explain that she was doing “research” for another friend to do better for her husband.  Classic. 

We talked about how long we wait in between “ladyscaping” and shaving our legs and that the longer we are married, that amount of time seems to get longer.  I told everyone the story of going to the OBGyn while pregnant and when I put my legs up in the ol’ stirrups, I realized that the 45 minutes I spent shaving were all spent on the same damn leg!  Yes, I shaved the same leg twice.  Who does that?!?!?!? I apologized to my Dr and the nurse.  They both laughed and said don’t worry to which I said “seriously, watch your shoulder or you may get cut”. 

We talked about how ALL of our husbands ask for a BJ at least once daily.  And that if they would just stop asking we would probably do it more often.  Then we laughed and laughed and laughed because, after all, that’s why all women get married……no more bj’s.  Ok, so we also married them because they are smart, funny, driven, blah blah blah blah…but mostly the bj thing.

After our eyes and cheeks were swollen from laughing so much, I was able to talk everyone in to a game of Charades.  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  My favorite game EVER and I haven’t played in sooooo long.  I am completely horrible at acting things out but that’s never stopped me before.  Watching my friends ride an invisible pole and dry hump air in an attempt to act out “strip club” and “big booty ho” was……priceless. 

As we all get older and have kids, it gets that much harder to get everyone together so this night was VERY MUCH needed.  I love having a group of girls that I can always be myself with.  They all know that I’m a complete hot mess and a tad quirky…but they love me anyways!! 

Stay tuned for another installment of Fluffy this week since I missed last week!

So thankful for my bytches,
Fluffy in Frisco

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